Relevance and Cultural Fetishism

Relevance in terms of cultural knowledge seems to be becoming a primary ideal in my life. My priorities seem to mostly reflect artistic and aesthetic concerns. I don't feel much lasting satisfaction from the continual "upkeep" of my cultural identiity. I strive to stay ahead of the curve, but for what end exactly?

I see cultural and intellectual input as a catalyst for my personal creations. The main thing I believe I need to keep in mind is that as I accumulate knowledge I must give myself time to digest and interpret that knowledge through my own creations. What are my intellectual and aesthetic goals? What is leading my quest for knowledge beyond a curiosity fueled dilettantism?

I need someone to obsess about. I need someone to think about when I'm alone. I'm writing you love letters in my sleep. I don't even understand why my brain chose you to focus on, but it happened and it's getting worse.

I hate you.

The characters I meet continue to fall into predetermined categories in my mind. The characters in this cheap novel, this b-budget film I call my life, are all recycled. The more I struggle to stand-out the more I realize the paradox I face: Continual change is fodder for a capitalist system. Capitalism in its present, globalized form does nothing to help individuals become who it is that they want and can be. Do I actualize myself and continue making products that the system can monetize or do i fight like a cog who struggles aginst the turning of the wheels around him?